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by HiddenTohru



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-07
Updated: 2010-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenTohru/pseuds/HiddenTohru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair returns to Amaranthine after a lengthy absence, and finds Laeti a bit less than pleased with how things have gone since he left.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in May 2010.

Five months. It had been at least that long since Alistair had left for Weisshaupt. Even though her duties since becoming the Warden Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine had kept her busier than she'd ever thought possible, she still spent most of her free moments missing him terribly and wondering when he would get home.

"Commander!" She looked up from the pile of papers she'd been staring at, unseeing, and let her eyes focus on the young woman standing in the doorway, a recent recruit from a minor noble family. The girl seemed very excited, and she sat up straighter.

"Yes, Marta?"

"Commander, you have to come see! There's travelers approaching, on horses! It looks like someone important!" Without another word the girl spun around and dashed off, presumably to return to her own watch post.

Laeti sighed and stood up, although she did admit to herself that there was a tiny part of her that felt intrigued. Horses weren't exactly a rarity on the road, but most people still preferred to use their own two feet to get from place to place in Ferelden. Still, it was unusual to see a large group on horseback, so perhaps it was some sort of important personage or urgent message. She let her pace quicken as she headed down the large staircase to the Great Hall, nodding at Nathaniel as he fell into step just behind her.

She pushed open the large double door at the top of the stone steps and quickly descended down to where the portcullis stood open, as it did every day. The group on horseback was just coming into view, and she noted with approval that Anders and Velanna were standing a little distance away, ready in case their visitors proved to be less than friendly. Nathaniel held his bow in his hand just behind and to the side of her, he would have arrow on string in mere seconds if she was in danger. Her heart swelled a little with pride as she watched them, but now the riders were just in front of her, and she was distracted from all those thoughts as the head of the group swung down off his horse and stepped forward, grinning.

She gaped, for a moment, at the familiar smile, the red-blonde hair, and the open arms of the man she loved more than life itself. She threw herself at him, first laughing, then the laughter quickly turning to tears, and she felt herself lose all composure and begin sobbing, trying to tell him everything but only being able to get out a word or two in between the sobs that seemed to shake her entire body.

Knowing that his lady was too overcome with emotion, Alistair nodded at one of the other riders and swept Laeti up into his arms, carrying her into the Keep as she continued sobbing onto his neck, ignoring the shocked stares from the unfamiliar faces of those he walked past, so unused to seeing the stoic Commander succumb to emotion this way.

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After they were safely alone in her room (aided by a sympathetic maid when he got lost), Alistair waited patiently for her to collect her scattered thoughts.

"Oh, Alistair." She laughed, weakly, then bit her lip. "I suppose that wasn't the reaction you were hoping for, was it?"

He scratched his neck. "Well, to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm just glad you didn't hit me for being gone so long."

That made her smile, for a moment, and then she shook her head. "I can't even begin to tell you everything that's happened. I kept meaning to sit down and write you, but it was all going on so fast and I thought you'd be back so much sooner and then I just got worried that maybe you'd been delayed somehow, stuck in a blizzard or adrift at sea and... And I should've written you, but by then I didn't even know how to start."

He leaned in closer, resting his forehead on the top of her head, inhaling the familiar scent of her hair, so fine and light. "I'm here now."

She pushed him away, pain in her eyes. "That's not fair. I've been living a nightmare for the past few months, you can't just come back and... and expect everything to be the same!"

He looked hurt for a moment, but then his features became carefully neutral and he nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry."

She looked away, at the down pillows on the wide bed that occupied the center of the room. "I spent so many nights lying in this bed, just missing you. Missing your head on the pillow next to mine. Missing the sounds you make when you're sleeping. Even missing the damn snoring. I was so lonely, Alistair. I even considered seducing Nathaniel, or Anders, just to feel someone's touch again, but I knew it wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't be you." She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. "I spent nights shouting at you, saying all the horrible things I wish I could say to you, pacing back and forth and asking you why you weren't here, why you were too far away to help me."

He reached out a hand to put on her shoulder, but she flinched away from it. "And the nightmares. Oh, Creators, the nightmares. The Architect captured me, Alistair. I have nightmares about what he could've done to me. Nightmares involved long hooks and blood and so much screaming... And the Mother. I have nightmares about seeing her again, about her devouring me whole while I cannot move, cannot breathe, can only be sucked into that gaping maw. Sometimes I become her, and start devouring my friends and family. And Amaranthine, Alistair. I have nightmares about it burning, the screams of dying people and roasting flesh, the cries of pain from those who had to be killed to save everyone else."

He was speechless, listening to her pour out all the pain and anger she'd kept locked up for so long.

"And Weisshaupt, I am still angry with them. For sending half a dozen inept Orlesian Wardens who get killed by the first horde of 'spawn who ambush the Keep from within. Did they just not know how to sense darkspawn? Were they too slow from wine and dancing to respond? And even after that was finally sorted out, the only further help I get is an old woman bookkeeper who does nothing but nag me about keeping the local peasants happy and making sure the trade routes are kept open and so on. And they took you from me. They took you away when I needed you, and I'll never forgive them for that, Alistair, never." She paused for a moment and looked at him, a look of bitter mirth on her face. "And don't think I've forgotten the Crows, either. For forcing Zevran to go defend his very life when I need him here, all the way in Antiva where he can't even give me moral support without a two week delay. Hopefully he's had better luck getting rid of them than I have here, otherwise we'll never see him again."

Alistair waited a few moments, but she had subsided into silence once more, her emotions spent. He reached out for her again, and this time she allowed his hand to caress her shoulder gently. "Do you want to know what happened at Weisshaupt, then?"

She looked at him quickly, and he could see the vitriol building up behind her eyes at the mention of it, but her curiosity stamped it down and she nodded, not quite able to speak.

"They questioned me about how you and I survived, you know. They knew from eye-witness accounts that Riordan fell before the Archdemon was slain, so there was no way for me to lie. And I knew you wouldn't want me to anyway, so I told them the truth. Morrigan, the ritual, everything."

Her eyes widened, but she nodded and waited for him to continue.

"Naturally, they didn't take it well. There was a lot of raging by the Warden Commander about how short-sighted you were, to unleash an Old God in the body of a child, and threats to both you and I, that we would be executed, that we would be tried, that you would be removed as the Warden Commander in Ferelden and both of us would be sent into the Deep Roads with not even a dagger to defend ourselves. After he finally quieted down, he informed me in a very icy voice that the ritual was to be kept a very well guarded secret, and I was to remain in the fortress for the foreseeable future, until they decided what to do with me, and how to contact you so as to get you to come to Weisshaupt yourself." His eyes narrowed as he remembered it. "He made it sound like he wanted to set a trap for you, like you were a nasty pest that needed to be stamped out. One of the other Wardens reminded him that you were called The Hero of Ferelden, and that removing you from your post wouldn't be taken lightly by Ferelden as a whole, so he wanted to do it sneakily."

She leaned in closer, putting a hand on his thigh. "Then what happened?"

"Oh, well, I wasn't exactly thrilled about it, but I couldn't figure out what else to do. I sat tight for a couple weeks, until I heard about Amaranthine burning. There wasn't a lot of information right then, just rumors being passed around in the mess hall, but I knew something really awful must have happened, and I decided to come home."

She raised an eyebrow. "And the Warden Commander of Weisshaupt just let you march out without saying anything?"

He grinned. "Not exactly. It was mid-afternoon and I was dressed in my traveling clothes, armor and sword all ready, and the guards tried to stop me. Of course, they knew I wasn't supposed to be going anywhere, although they didn't know why. Well, I know I was never that good at intimidating people, but I just... started thinking about you, and how you might be injured, or even dead, and how I wasn't there with you, and somehow it just came out of me. I believe I insinuated that if I wasn't allowed to pass, I would cut a bloody swathe through the ranks until I managed to get back to Ferelden and you."

Laeti leaned back slightly, her eyes widening in surprise. "Really?"

He scratched his neck again and looked a little embarrassed. "Really. It was convincing enough for the guards, and by the time the Commander found out, I was long gone. When I reached the border I managed to find some people willing to help me, and then it seems like more and more joined on until I got that nice little band you saw out front. They all want to be Wardens too, did I mention that? So new recruits to take the Joining, at least."

"Oh, Alistair... It must have been very hard." She hugged him, then, and he reveled in the feel of her soft body pressed up against his, something he had been missing for so long.

"The journey wasn't so bad, really. But I realized something, as I was making my way back here, back to you. Even the Grey Wardens aren't what I thought they once were. The Warden Commander of Weisshaupt wanted to kill you, Laeti. He sounded like he would enjoy it, too. Because you broke the rules, even though you still saved the kingdom, he didn't care. The lives of the people of Ferelden didn't mean anything to him. I realized that sometimes I might have to act in my own best interest, just to make sure those who aren't able to help themselves are helped. Those I care about, either personally or as a group. Sometimes I have to put the will of others aside and listen to my own feelings to do what's right. I think I had an inkling of that, when we met Goldanna, but I pushed it away. I didn't want to think like that. I was a bit childish back then, wasn't I?" He murmured the last question into her hair, then kissed the top of her head.

"Oh, Alistair... Maybe, but that's part of what I loved about you."

He pulled away and looked at her searchingly. "Can you still love me, even though I wasn't here when you needed me?"

Tears started in her eyes again, but she was smiling, and he could tell these tears were different than those she'd shed earlier at the gate. "Of course. I think both of us have finally been forced to stand on our own two feet. It hurt, but I think it made us stronger."

He pulled her close again, so tight she made a noise of protest. "Perfect. Now I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

"And if you so much as look in the direction of Weisshaupt, I'm going to tie you to the bed." Her faintly teasing tone was muffled by his chest, but he grinned all the same.

"Great. Say, are you hungry? I did just get off the road, and breakfast was a good long time ago, I was just thinking since you're the Warden Commander and all, maybe you could get us room service." He waited, but there was no response. "Laeti?" He attempted to pull her away, but realized she had fallen asleep against him, arms securely fastened around his waist, face buried in the rough hide tunic covering his chest. He sighed, then leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of finally being home at last.

 


End file.
